How to Write a Love Poem: Theory, Steps, and Template

by Jonathan Burkhalter

Theory

When I think of love poems, a few people and their work come to mind immediately. Firstly, Katie Farris’ A Net to Catch my Body in its Weaving– in which she poses an important question: “why write love poems in a burning world?” Perhaps it’s best to start here, because if we can’t answer that, we have no business doing this. Whether or not you think art is political (it is), we must first have our own charter for this task.

Among the dystopian plotline of genocides masked as wars, while rappers beef and the super rich spend nearly twice my year’s salary on a single seat at the Met Gala and Lord knows how much on outfits (happy teacher appreciation week, everyone, by the way), we must answer for ourselves why we write, what moves us to write.

Maybe the answer sounds something like: because the lack of love or in vacuums where love is not present, we are only left with horrors. Personally, I write love poems because without everyone who has loved me, I don’t think I’d be alive. And I don’t mean just lovers, because love isn’t only romantic. Love poems are for friends, family, people you saw once on the train, crushes, or even the squirrel that stole my granola bar one morning.

To continue with Katie Farris’ same collection, she included, “Rachel’s Chair”, which is direct, humorous and a bit randy. The power of this poem comes from its simplicity and honesty. It is hinting at a lifetime of love without expressing too much. I don’t think Farris’ poem is in juxtaposition to another favorite love poem of mine, but perhaps offers a different direction. Matthea Harvey’s “In Defense of Our Overgrown Garden” is sprawling, restless, yet succinctly universal in a way that love can require the capital letter. On first read, one could be forgiven for not expecting it to be a love poem until roughly the 15th line. The bounding whimsy and beauty envelopes the speaker’s intentions for their subject.

There are infinite ways to write a love poem. These are examples of directions, but even writing your lover’s name twenty times on your notebook is a love poem. In the end, it’s the ink that proves the simplest fact of all– that you were there, you felt something real once, maybe twice. Documentation is another thing that a love poem must address. A love poem should wake us up! Wake us up with the unique language shared between loves. The first date, the animal that means something deeper because…, the emoji, that time that…, etc. Wake us up from the burning world.

I’m back to circling the drain on WHY and not HOW. Perhaps we need to keep one eye focused on each.

How to write a love poem: Step-by-step

Step 1– Answer why.

Step 2– Think of a time and place or images that matter to your love. In other words, access the language that you and your subject share.

Step 3– Never speak for your subject or objectify them or deny them a voice. For more information, read what Rae Armantrout has to say.

Step 4– Use concrete imagery whenever possible. Look at Aria Aber’s “Waiting for Your Call”, in which she says, “My phone notes littered with lines like Beauty will not save you. / Or: mouthwash, yogurt, cilantro.”

Step 5– Open with a banger if you can. For example, look at Maggie Nelson’s Bluets, in which she opens with, “Suppose that I were to begin by saying I’ve fallen in love with a color”.

And if you really would like an outline, I made a guide that was inspired heavily by Oliver Baez Bendorf.

I’ll leave you with this.

Confession PrompT

After Oliver Baez Bendorf

If we ever _______________

an observation

a negation

zoom out

A rose is _______________

a confession

a question

another question

a) Another question b) zoom out c) an observation

a line that uses an exclamation point

a summary of what love is

a symbol of the space that precedes honesty

a confession

final line.

Writer Bio
jonathan burkhalter is a writer, event coordinator, teacher, and editor. they hold an mfa in poetry from sarah lawrence college. they are passionate about motels, natural wine, food that moves us, and the practice of the kitchen table as a gathering place.

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