Written by Nicolette Daskalakis

Speak of them in the past tense, like they are deceased, or moved to a far-off country

devoid of an internet connection and cell reception.

Do not use their name in conversation, refer to them instead as “a friend of mine” or

“someone I knew.” This is less intimidating to present and future romantic prospects.

Allow them to take on the qualities of an estranged elementary school friend or a

distant cousin whose name you occasionally forget. Always occasionally forget their

name.

When someone mentions them, nod slowly, like you’re trying to remember what their

face looks like. Try to forget their face, especially if the person you’re talking to has a

face like their face.

If you find yourself in conversation with someone who regularly sees them, do not ask

about them. Instead, talk about yourself, preferably using a lot of positive adjectives

like wonderful and amazing, even if adjectives like shitty and depressed would be more

accurate.

Rewrite memories as to make the new ones more accessible in conversation: Go to the

museums you went to together, with someone new. Eat at the restaurants you ate at

together, with someone new. Listen to the music you listened to together, with

someone new. Speak about something new, with someone new.

Avoid discussing your ex-lover.