for the first time in my my life, i am sad that i have not had a child. i am 4 1 years olfd. .. i will not be a biological mother And yet, here I am. The sum total of all the experiences that have gone 

before, both mine and the others that have come before me. In this, the 

best*worst*most*exciting*boring*whatever*the*hell time of my life. I am 

full of cracks and magic and sand. And here am I. And here you are. And here

we all are, collectively and singularly.. And here we go... 

my mom passed away three years ago, or rather over three yearsbut i don;t like to admit that. I haven;t thought about her in a while 

and it makes me feel guilty. it feels weird to forget someone so easily, or

maybe not forget, thats a bit extreme. More like be okay and functioning,

like i guess as if i don,t really need her, sadly. I'm doing okay, my dad

is okay. It upsets me how okay with it his he. I:m pretty sure he doesn;t

feel guilty, she left him off the hook when she told him he would fall in  

love again. She never told me to be okay with it though.